rotten bananas

A Swedish couple is being barred from naming their daughter ‘Metallica’. While I see the concern here, who really cares? The parents will be the ones that have to face the embarrassment of telling everyone they know that they named their daughter after an old has-been metal band.

If we want to get our panties in a knot about poor parenting decisions, there’s more important matters to worry about. For starters, did you know that people will buy their children $100 jeans just because they say Abercrombie on the label? Sometimes the label’s not even visible! That is a freaking outrage. We’re teaching kids to waste their money on crap and be total consumer slaves.

Some parents will give into anything when bothered about it enough. What kind of lesson is that teaching? “Son, if you ever want something really bad, just ask your mother and I until we say yes! This will work for the remainder of your life as well.”

If you really want to prevent a kid from having a terrible childhood, a silly name is the least of your worries. When parents opt to name their child something strange like Metallica, don’t give in when they change it to Lucy. Lucy can be force fed McDonald’s every night and allowed to stare at a television for hours on end just as easily as Metallica could.

If we’re going to care about such trivial matters, start caring about the important issues as well. Naming a kid Metallica isn’t the end of the world. It’s different, which isn’t necessarily bad, albeit uncreative. But what does it matter if those parents turn out to be half decent and raise a productive member of society. But, when little Johnny is taught to live on welfare, do just enough work to scrape by in school, and never learn how to treat others with respect, that’s when the state should intervene, and not just ignore the problems because he has a normal name.