rotten bananas

I’m havin a good time tonight. My roommate and I ended up on the porch havin some drinks, listening to good music and chatting. Right now we’re watching “The Breakup” (which is turning out to be pretty awesome). Though, none of that is here nor there.

I have a job tomorrow. I’m replacing some old Macs with some newer Dell PCs. It’s good money and I’m happy to do it, but I’ll miss my Saturday. No biggie really.

This has led me to a number of conclusions.

1. There’s a lot of money out there if you’re willing to earn it. I didn’t ask for this job. I didn’t market. I didn’t advertise. You know what I did? I took a little time to help out some people with some basic computer issues to pay them back for a countless number of free meals. Think about how much is out there if you’re willing to look for it.
2. Networking is clutch. The guy that hooked me up with the job is the vice president of a local bank. He’s an important guy. He’s also a great story teller, rather funny and likes good music. I’m not saying to go out and suck up to every pseudo-important fella you can run into in public, but it never hurts to put your best foot forward. Be respectful. Be helpful. You never know when it will pay off.
3. Listen and be fair. They went to another local consulting company before me, but that company didn’t really pay attention. This job has evolved quite a bit since we originally talked about it, but I rolled with the punches. The other company was more interested in selling them some unnecessary hardware. I’ve listened and figured out what they need and tried to offer the most appropriate, and fairly priced, solution. And because of that, I’ve got a job.

If there’s no logical structure to this post, that’s probably my fault (though I’d like to blame someone else… let’s go with Chris G, because he’s a good blogger, and I dunno that I’ve mentioned him yet). I guess this is a bit of a “stream of consciousness” post. I’m just letting off some ideas, and honestly, I didn’t plan how to do it.

Anyway, stay tuned for a post on how awesomely successful the ProBlogger “Top 5″ group blogging project was.

So I was playing with the Page Strength tool over at SEOmoz (it turns out rotten bananas falls only slightly lower on the scale than TechCrunch), and it’s actually a pretty cool tool. It takes into account a number of factors from link counts to Alexa rank to domain age. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. But I digress.

What got my attention was this helpful little note at the bottom of the report:

If your report contains missing data, try refreshing it.

If what now? If my report contains missing data? If that happens, pushing the refresh button will be the last thing on my mind. I’ll first be making a call to Stephen Hawking for an explanation that will surely be beyond me, but I’ll feel smart while politely nodding and saying, “mmhmm… mmhmm.”

I don’t mean to pick on SEOmoz because, well, they’re bigger than me, but that one made me laugh.

On a separate note, like I said, I’ve been reading up on SEO lately, and so far I’ve found two “star blogs”* on the subject: Tropical SEO and the Scoreboard Media Group SEO blog. They share a lot of good info and viewpoints and manage to do it with a sense of humor, which is a crucial part of maintaining interest while learning anything new.

* “star blogs” is a term that I just pulled from the dark to mean “blogs that I enjoy reading”

With Mother’s Day upon us, I felt it was appropriate to discuss some of what’s going on in her life right now. My mom will be 55 this year, and she’s been dreaming of owning her own business. It’s gone through a number of phases, starting with the purchase of a small embroidery machine.

While working her full-time job as an accounting manager, she had some success with her embroidery. She’s since upgraded her machine twice. She’s also semi-recently purchased a heat press, mug press, and button press. She makes some cash on the side doing all of this, but not enough to sustain herself (in the lifestyle that she’s grown accustomed to). I think she could do rather well if she did a lot more marketing, but she isn’t convinced.

Within the past year she’s also attempted to start her own line of Thank God gifts (shirts, mousepads, mugs, etc). She has some pretty cool designs (if you’re into that sort of thing), but she can’t seem to find her market. I’m going to be spending some time trying to get it some attention, so I’ll be updating on that as I make discoveries.

Her most recent venture has been attempting to purchase a local uniform shop. She lost her job a few months ago (after the initial burn, she’s more than happy with this turn of events), and it looks like a good investment. It comes with a decent bit of real estate, including a home that’s currently being rented out. The problem is that she can’t find funding. No banks have been willing to give her what she thinks it’s worth (which is still a bit lower than what the owner is asking for).

I’m not going to claim to know much about business valuation, but the underlying problem is that the banks seem mainly focused it’s near-future earning potential, while the current owner (and my mom) think that it has much more potential further into the future. The shop has seen steady growth with practically no marketing. It’s been a one-man operation for years, and that’s only a standard 46-hour (retail) work week.

She’s waiting on a few quotes right now, but she’s been offered much too little too many times already, so her hopes are starting to dwindle. Her greatest fear at this point is that she’ll have to begin looking for a ‘real’ job. She’s had enough of the corporate world and absolutely does not want to go back.

I think this business would be an awesome opportunity for her, and she would do a great job running it. Unfortunately, there just doesn’t seem to be as much disposable income milling around the bank vaults as we had hoped. I highly doubt she’ll give up on her dreams if this falls through, even if she has to get an awful, ‘real’ job, but it’s definitely frustrating.

Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Have any advice?

Time for a mini-rant on the English language. I’m somewhat of a grammar nazi. It doesn’t mean that I always get it right, but I pride myself in being pretty close most of the time. I was browsing my blog list and hit Daily Blog Tips. My intention here is not to single them out, as this is a mistake that lots of people make. (This is actually a two for one, which I’ve only realized after copy/pasting the entire sentence.)

How much do you care?

On this post, under number 1, the first sentence is:

“People could care less about your cat, your aunt or your school adventures; and serious bloggers do know it. “

A very common phrase in the English language is “(i/he/she/they/we/your neighbor’s retarded antelope) could care less.” Read that and think for a second. Saying that you could care less means that you care. It means your caring level may be here:

Don’t care (anniversary) |—*———————–| Care a lot (Superbowl)

You may care very little (though the actual amount of caring is not implied), but you still care. The proper phrase that is bastardized on a regular basis is “I couldn’t care less.” This implies that you care so little that you are physically unable to care any less, which is how the phrase is used.

Semicolon <> Comma

I just happened to notice this mistake was in the same sentence. A semicolon is used to combine two very related sentences, but the statements on either side are still complete sentences. “And serious bloggers do know it” is not a complete sentence, so it shouldn’t be used on either side of a semicolon.

Straight from Wikipedia:

1. It binds two sentences more closely than they would be if separated by a full stop/period. It often replaces a conjunction such as and or but. Writers might consider this appropriate where they are trying to indicate a close relationship between two sentences, or a ‘run-on’ in meaning from one to the next; they do not want the connection to be broken by the abrupt use of a full stop.

The semicolon should replace ‘and’, not precede it, that’s what commas are for.

Briefly, proper usage of a semicolon: Bad grammar lights a fire in my soul; it burns with rage.

Improper usage of a semicolon: This sentence makes my heart hurt; and I think I might cry.

I feel much better now. To further your knowledge of basic need-to-know grammar rules, check out CopyBlogger’s list of Five Grammatical Errors That Make You Look Dumb.

Update: The errors were corrected thanks to my belligerence. Someone noticed my quaint little blog; my heart’s aflutter.

Wow, chalk this up as the most absurd story of the moment. Some rabid (def: carrier of rabies) fan of Paris Hilton’s has attempted to have her DUI (that’s driving drunk/endangering lives/generally having no regard for others) pardoned (oh yea, and her license was suspended) by sending a letter to the governator.

The author’s claim is that so many celebrities have gotten away with it so far, that it’s only fair. By the way, it’s only 45 days, and she’ll be separated from the other prisoners.

I won’t repeat the details here. Go read it for yourself. I can’t even put my frustrations into words, but let me quote one sentence:

“In my humble opinion, if the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s), we as compassionate human beings can undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well.”

That’s right. Paris Hilton was just compared to Richard Nixon. If that doesn’t make your head explode, you probably belong in the Paris Hilton fan club as well.

Ahh, time for a list. Darren Rowse is having a ‘Top 5′ group writing project, and I’m hoppin on the bandwagon. I thought about different topics, and decided to have some fun. I’m a huge fan of classic rock, and I dig those moments that just make you say “holy crap,” so I’m gonna list my top 5 (in no particular order).

1. The Who Won’t Get Fooled Again - The song ends on a sweet solo, followed by Roger wailing out “YEA!! Meet the new boss! Same as the old boss!” Oh man, it gets me every time.
2. Dire Straits Sultans of Swing (live) - Straight off the album Alchemy, this version is magnificent, but what strikes the D-minor chord of my heart is the song ending solo. It’s outstanding, so full of emotion. Mark Knopfler is a musical genius, and the man doesn’t even use a pick.
3. The Beatles Hey Jude - I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not much of a Beatles fan. I find most of their music pretty annoying (I know I’m gonna catch it for that), but the song-ending anthem in Hey Jude is fantastic. It doesn’t matter who’s listening, you always find yourself singing along.
4. Bob Seger Like a Rock - I love Seger. The man’s a poet, so it’s hard to choose one moment that I particularly like, but I think this one suits pretty well. Right before the last chorus, Bobby belts out ‘I Recall. I Recall!” Just pure awesome.
5. Fleetwood Mac Go Your Own Way - The Mac has a lot of good songs, but this one just rumbles with good feeling. If you had just run over a kitten, and this song came on the radio, you would still smile. The solo at the end is awesome, especially the way Lindsey carries it into the last chorus just a bit.

That’s the list that I have for now. It’s hard to say these are my top 5 because there’s a ton of moments that I love, but this ain’t a bad start. Classic rock is fantastic because it was so much about the music. Cheesy lyrics are acceptable when they’re supplemented by an ear-bleeding solo. Modern rock bands just don’t bust out the sweet guitar work like they used to.

In the immortal words of Greg Kihn: “they just don’t write ‘em like that anymore.”

As I mentioned, I’ve set up a new niche blog. It’s called axplay and it’s right here. It’s a blog about guitars - playing, learning and enjoying. I’d love some feedback on it and suggestions of how to get it exposed more. I’m really struggling with that. I think I’m going to register a forums account or two and throw a link in my signature.

I’m also hedging on the theme. I like it, but I feel like the constrained size may be making it look too cluttered with the ads. I’m definitely having fun setting it up and writing for it though. ProBlogger readers are getting a special deal from AuctionAds ($5 free woohoo!), so I may give that a shot. I think axplay is a great fit for it. So far the whole process challenge, but I’m new to this, so I’m learning as I go.

Performancing posted Lessons from an SEO Contest. It’s a pretty good starting place for getting your site on the radar. I’m developing a personal interest in SEO, and I’ve done a decent amount on my own sites (not that it seems to be helping - I didn’t say I was good at it yet).

Here’s a short list of some good WordPress SEO tips:

• Search Engine Optimization (SEO) Tips for Wordpress 2.0
• Wordpress and SEO
• And from the ProBlogger himself, Search Engine Optimization for Blogs

If you haven’t done anything with SEO yet, take a look at these links and start with the basics. Changing your permalink structure is incredibly simple and one of the easiest ways to have Google better index your pages.

PostScript: If anyone knows of any good SEO books that won’t cost me my first born, let me know. They all seem absurdly overpriced to me.

The webcomic xkcd features a map of online communities today. I laughed a few times. It’s a bit small to make out some of the tinier text, even the enlarged version, but what I could read was still funny.

I try to keep political rants off of here for the most part. I’m not really sure that I’m saying anything new or exciting, but sometimes it really gets to me. After that little outburst, I thought we needed something positive, and this is definitely a good sign of things to come (edit: link is now dead apparently, but Dell is going to be offering Ubuntu on new machines!).